0 Truth be told. I am a terrible mom. I am sorry, son.

What makes a terrible mom? Lets start from the worst since the title above already the worst kind you kinda expected from me. 

Beating up her kids.

Let her kids hungry.

Does not kiss or hug her kids.

Does not breastfeed? Arrh..you can't blame mom on this. Sometimes there are moms who just not created for this mechanics.

There can be thousands of reason why a mom called a terrible one. 

People already see me as a terrible mom since i went back to work. I have the heart to leave my beloved son at home to be taken care by his grandma and grandpa. His grandparents lived 112 kilometers  away from my workplace. This is the best i could  get transferred from Lahad Datu when i was still pregnant.

Why i did it? So many questions was being thrown at me and yes now people already stop asking because the world is going round and there are better thing to talk about other than how i raise my son. 

Why not i just hired anyone to babysit him when i go to work? There are two daycare centres in this district. One strictly for hospital employees and the other one is likely will take anyone's child as long as it is within their quotas. Why not i just sent him to my in-laws since they were all in the same district where am i working?

Money is definitely not the questions here. I invest in good money for the car's gases every weeks and even give my mom allowances for this most precious favors. I know there are not many grandparents who is able to do this for their children fulltiming when they aged. I just can't stand the thought that my son is going to a pre kindergarten  ( i know these day care does not force any kids to learn but, the situations there kinda feel like it) that young and be overwhelmed by other kids and adults whom i do not know their backgrounds. Plus, there is so much horrible things i heard of daycare centres! I know it is just number of them but, it is enough to send me shivers if my son were go to one of these daycare.

In-laws is the closest i have in this district.  But, forgive me in-laws.They are the most wonderful and kindest people i met in life.  I just can't let my son lived in less than i ever had when i can provide better for him. My family is not of silverchair blood but, i was brought up in a well sufficient environment. This is something i know that many people will if they can, stone me to death. I would say  that , the insufficiency of this place stops me from sending my son to my in-laws. I can only assure that my son will be better taken care of my parents for now. Enough said. I do respect and appreciate them as my family too.

So, i lived in the district where i am working now on the weekdays and every weekend i tried not to miss Friday nights with my son and spend quality time together during the weekends. So, my Monday blues and TGIF is nothing like to anyone else's .... i think. Err...my Monday blues is all about driving like a crazy woman to get to school on time and TGIF is also driving crazy like a blind woman , i try my best to get home before dark.  I have very bad vision driving at night by the way.

Deep inside this choice i made for my son, despite my husband is working further, i do feel guilty every breath i take. I feel like it is not right my son is not here with me. Seeing me going to work everyday. Picking him up from daycare. Feeding him, bathing him everyday, not only for the weekends and sing him lullaby. Breaks my heart every seconds i though of his smile, laughter, and him being grumpy. 

If one day my son will be able to read this,

 I am sorry , son. I really love you i can't stand the thought of you not being cuddled when you are fed, when you want to have you nap. Wondering who will hold you if you fell and cry, or when you just need to be, who will hand your favorite snacks, change your diapers, you know you could be ballistics when getting change. I could never trust people that much. That's why you never go to a daycare. That's why this entry is being posted now. Trust me, there is nothing like just spending time with you. Mommy always day dreaming about you being with me here. But, please know that, mommy loves you more than anything in the world. Mommy pray everyday that this situation will change. I do not know how will it change or how but, mommy will try to do the right thing for you always.

0 What to do when your child has diarrhea

These week has been the hardest for me as a new mom. I could say that because my family and i are dealing with my son's diarrhea since the first day after we celebrated his first birthday. 

I had been noted the harms that can cause to the children's health from my readings on the net and parenting magazine. It comes to my deepest concerns when it comes to my son's having diarrhea, i think any parents would do. Breaks my heart seeing my son looked helplessly weak and lied on his back for almost a day and becoming more clingy than usual. Especially when it comes to diarrhea that is not caused by teething. Of course this is not his first time having diarrhea , but it was never like this. Usually when it caused by teething , the disease lasted only a couple days , followed by the loss of appetites. 

But , this time the symptoms are, watery stool, low grade fever, stomach upset, vomiting, dehydrations and loss of appetites. Comes today, he has been fighting this diarrhea thing for a week and there's seem like it was not going to get better any soon. And on day 3 , he looked smaller and feel lighter, less urinating and was very weak for he had been dehydrated. We had brought him to two private clinics and once to the government hospitals but it seems like none of the medicines works for him. 

So, i search online and many got so many results back. Of course , there are many reasons that can caused bad diarrhea in children ...

..but, the truest and mostly matched with my son's symptoms above  told that my son might be having diarrhea caused by rotavirus. This kind of diarrhea has no cures but , to keep him hydrated with salts and sugar solution (the ORS packs). However, good news about this diseases is that , the infected child while fighting this diseases will also increase his own immunity against the virus so, it will be less likely for him to get infected again. 

Of course , keeping the child hydrated, and hygienic could be the hardest and tiring task when your child pooed for 4-10 times a day. And everytime you have to wipe and clean his butt off, he will likely be grumpy and giving tantrums since he will have bad rashes going on on the butt. This rashes are mainly caused by the bacterias from the stool besides the watery state that the stool possessed during these time. If the diapers are not changed regularly right after he poops, the diseases might get worse or make the healing process longer. 

To make your child drinking the salts solutions could be the hardest tasks since i am pretty sure that no babies, nor toddlers would drink it up like they were having a bottle of milk. The key is to gradually make your child get used to the taste. Start with one or tablespoon every 15 minutes, then gradually increase it to two ounces every hour once you see that the child becomes less rejecting when they are given the liquid. It is important for the parents to remember that the child might vomit liquid when they are drinking too much at a time. So, make the child drink from a spoon to avoid vomiting.

Adults who is attending children with this kind of diarrhea must always keep your hands and clothes hygiene after cleaning your child's poops. It was best with if you are equipped with the antibacterial hand gel , one that required no washings. 

Why adults should take this precautions? Rotavirus is common in children under five years old but adults too could get infected when he or she has children infected. This is because, the virus is resting in the poops and the virus can be distributed and infects through oral and respiratory. Though the symptoms might not be as severe as your child has but, it could send you resting on bed for at least couple of days too. Two days after i was back home for the weekend, i was infected which as i typing this now. And this of course not the best time i had in this very weekend. 

As i recalled, since i was back home, my shirts had been poops twice and wiping my son's butt off for more than dozens times with wet tissues and direct flows of water in the sinks so, it does not surprised me at all now that i had similar diarrhea  too. Vomiting, fever, stomach upsets and pooping watery stools. Not fun, but i gotta be strong for my son to weather this trouble. All i ever hoped for now is that i will strong tomorrow to look after my son and pray that he will be healed soon.